When you feel like you’re failing as a parent…
“I hate you!”
Slammed door.
Disrespect.
Negative note or call from school or daycare.
OR…
So anxious they seem frozen.
Obsessed or avoidant behavior.
Poor grades.
Perfectionist.
Unable to focus or complete tasks.
YOU ARE THINKING…
“I’m failing as a parent.”
“What’s going to happen to my kid? What did I do wrong? What can I fix?”
“If they are this way at this age, what will they be like as a pre-teen…teenager…adult…?”
AND PARENT ANXIETY AND FEAR SETS IN. YOU FEEL TEMPTED TO GIVE UP. YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AT THE ONE THING YOU REALLY WANTED TO SUCCEED IN.
Friends, most of us who have had children for a few years have experienced these feelings and thoughts. It feels hopeless and lonely. Sometimes it can even lead to depression.
IF THIS IS YOU, IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH, LIKE MAYBE YOU DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PARENT THIS CHILD, LET ME ASSURE YOU:
God doesn’t make mistakes. Don’t you go believing the lie that someone who is more patient, kind, creative, with more energy, etc would be more suited. You were chosen to be this chid’s parent. No one can do it better than you.
There are resources to help you grow in your parenting skills. Growth will challenge your character and force you to grow into a more whole and mature person. Your child is giving you a real gift here. Imagine what kind of person you would have been without this challenge. It could have been easier. But then what kind of person would you be?
Your child is SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR STORY. There is still so much more life for them to live. Much more maturity and wisdom to gain. God is not finished with them, just like He is not finished with you. He is committed to keep working until the day of completion (Philippians 1:6).
SO WHAT NOW?
Review the truth about yourself and about your child daily, even several times a day. It is too easy to give into the lies because frankly that is easier to believe. Those lies feed into your identity and spill out into the identity of your child. FIGHT TO BELIEVE THE TRUTH.
Understand that there will never be a perfect scenario. You will have challenges and struggles the rest of your life. You will grow and you will change and things won’t always be this hard, but the challenges will shift. And so will you. In the end you will see a completely different and more whole version of yourself.
See your child for the masterpiece the are NOW. EVEN in the misbehavior, in the choices they make you disagree with, in the person you feel they are becoming that heaps fear over you. Your child is a masterpiece NOW. You only see a tiny thread in the tapestry of their lives. God is doing something. He never stops working. RESPOND TO THE MASTERPIECE, NOT THE CHOICES YOU SEE. This is so key and I cannot emphasize enough.
Seek help. Parent coaching breaks apart all of this and more to help you learn to respond with wisdom to your children, as well as build your confidence and secure identity. It’s one of the greatest investments we chose for our family.
Living out these things is not natural. It sometimes feels as if we are swimming upstream. However, putting these principles into practice reaps great reward as we see ourselves and our children grow and mature in wisdom and relationship.
NOW GO OUT AND BE THIS FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS! YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE PARENT, AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY SAY, YOUR KIDS WANT (AND NEED) YOU IN THEIR LIVES!
**Another resource for when you feel like you are failing as a mom: Check out the Grace and Truth for Moms Online Course. Taught by my friend and mentor, Lynne Jackson, this course drills to the core of mom shame. I have been through it five times and about to facilitate another group again, it’s so good.
Always, ALWAYS Alongside,
Taylor
