Dealing with Anxiety in Parenthood
Will they be okay?
Why do I always lose my cool? What sets me off so much and why am I always angry?
Why does this have to be so hard?
When will I ever find time for myself?
Am I damaging my kids?
Am I doing enough?
AM I ENOUGH?
These are all questions I have faced in parenthood. And no wonder. Throughout time, parents have been concerned for their children. In fact, 68% of women and 57% of men who struggle with mental health are parents, and a large percentage of those issues are around depression, anxiety and adjustment disorders. It isn’t surprising as nothing is as life altering as becoming a parent. Our kids change us for the better, however it can be really hard to find peace in the midst of chaos.
A few years ago I endured a tremendous amount of transition and dealt with quite a bit of stress and anxiety. With 5 kids it was tough to figure a way forward, but through my journey I learned helpful strategies for thriving in my unique situation and life story. Here are a few things that have helped me not only deal with anxiety, but help my children as well:
Understanding my own Window of Tolerance. The Window of Tolerance was developed by Dr. Daniel Siegel. This model shows we have a limited amount of stress we can process at a given moment and everyone’s level is different. Understanding how much stress is just right for you is key to keeping balance in your life: not exploding (anxiety attack, lashing out, screaming at the kids) and also not “bottoming out” (overwhelming depression, not able to get out of bed, feeling numb.) (Check out Daniel Siegel’s book The Whole Brained Child! )
Understanding which strategies help. The internet has no shortage of things to help when you are stressed out so just googling or scrolling through Pinterest often piles up the overwhelming options leading one to freeze and either not do anything or worse, try the wrong things that make the anxiety that much more difficult to deal with. For me, understanding my own Window of Tolerance and which strategies match my leaning of stress was a game changer.
Creating a plan of action. When dealing with anxiety, the brain hijacks into fight, flight or freeze and we are unable to really think through what would be helpful. It’s really helped me to come up with a workable plan ahead of time so that when the stress catches me off guard, I am ready to put those resources that I know work.
Trusting that God has a plan for me in it. It is not in God’s plan that I worry, but it is God’s plan to deepen my character and trust. Once I’m able to get my brain in a good place by getting back into my Window of Tolerance I’m able to see the bigger picture and walk away with a different and often life changing perspective. This process deepens my trust that God is using my struggles for His good purposes. (Check out Grace and Truth for Moms by my friend and mentor Lynne Jackson of Connected Families. It is so good!)
I understand that this can be helpful, but way easier said than done. This is why I created “The Peaceful Parenting Journey: A 5 Day Guide to Thriving Among the Chaos of Life”. No matter your situation, you will learn:
-How stress and anxiety manifest in your body and how your emotions react
-What the Window of Tolerance is and how it impacts you and your closest relationships
-Your unique way of processing stress and specific coping strategies
-The 4 main needs your soul needs for thriving
-How to create a care plan that works for you
-What to do after an explosion or bottoming out (lost your temper, lashed out, withdrawn)
-As well as more helpful resources for growing in emotional health as a parent
I’m excited to share this course with you.
This course is available for just $10 HERE.
It’s my prayer and hope that every parent who takes the course will be able to parent confidently and have the resources they need to combat anxiety. We live in anxious times, where there is always an opportunity to be anxious. But with every time we also have an equal opportunity to grow in health and trust.
Alongside,
Taylor
